Reward Giving Gone Mistaken: Narcissists and Reward Giving



The Mom of all re-gifting tales

I lately regifted a gift. It was a journal somebody had given me that I couldn’t use. One other pal loved journals, so as a substitute of sending it to Goodwill, I regifted it. As I sat throughout from my pal, the present bag between us, I considered a horrible regifting story I had as soon as heard. Then I assumed in regards to the journal I used to be about to offer her. What if my identify or a notice to me was inscribed inside and I had missed it? I shortly advised my pal it was a re-gift. In the long run, the journal was clean and my pal might have cared much less whether or not it was a regift or not. We laughed collectively as I shared why regifting made me so nervous. And now, I shall relate the identical to you. That is the mom of all regifting tales.

It appears Jenny Smith, only recently married, obtained duplicate crystal bowls. They had been very costly, so Jenny set one of many bowls in her eating room cupboard for all to see and saved the opposite within the linen closet. A couple of days later she obtained an invite to the marriage bathe of a pal. The duplicate crystal bowl could be the proper present. In spite of everything, it sat snuggly in its unique blue field surrounded by tissue paper. All it wanted was a brand new satin ribbon.

The day for the bathe arrived, and all of the younger associates sat in a circle collectively. Current after current was opened. Lastly, the blue field was handed to the visitor of honor. Ooos and ahhs rose from the group.

“It’s so lovely, Jenny! You shouldn’t have purchased me such an costly current! Oh, I like it. I simply like it!”

Jenny brushed apart the praise. “My pleasure.”

Out of the blue, the bride-to-be frowned. “What’s that?” she exclaimed indicating the underside of the bowl. 

“What’s unsuitable?” requested Jenny. “Is there a crack?” Everybody leaned ahead in concern.

“No,” stated the bride-to-be. “There’s some sort of writing on right here.”

“What? I didn’t see that.” A sinking feeling hit Jenny’s abdomen. 

The bride-to-be learn the underside. “To Greg and Jenny. Congratulations & Greatest Needs, The Thompsons.” Giving a little bit sniff, the bride-to-be caught her nostril within the air. “It’s engraved— to you.” 

Jenny didn’t know what to do. She swallowed onerous as each eye waited for her reply. Was her face as crimson because it felt? “I apologize. I received doubles of the identical bowl and wished to share my luck with you. Let me have it. I don’t suppose the one at house is engraved. I’ll change it out.”

Jenny slunk away from the social gathering, blue field in hand. She was totally humiliated. Years later, when Jenny advised a bunch of us girlfriends that story, she nonetheless turned as crimson as a tomato. All of us had a great snicker on the horror of it and secretly thanked God that had by no means occurred to us. I considered that story after I regifted the journal, however I used to be fortunate. I had given it to an actual pal. What a disgrace that bride-to-be had not been type sufficient to cowl for Jenny. I imply, isn’t that what actual associates do?

Narcissists and Reward Giving

Narcissists and the household programs they run act similar to that bride-to-be. Cowl for you? It’s far worse than that. Reward-giving turns into a possibility for rejection and humiliation…on goal.

“I can’t use that.”

“Why did you purchase that?”

“Did they’ve this in crimson? I don’t just like the brown.”

Attempting to please unpleasable folks hurts. Nowhere is that this extra apparent than present giving. I had an vintage manuscript web page framed for a historical past buff member of the family solely to be given it again a couple of years later. 

“We’re downsizing and don’t have room for this anymore.”

Did they not get it was a gift from the guts? I had dragged that factor all the way in which from Europe. No, they didn’t get it.

Take into consideration the occasions you’ve gotten given presents which were obtained with a essential eye. Then take into consideration those who had been obtained as they had been meant.

“This present represents part of me. And I’m giving it to you.”

“Oh thanks. I obtain the present of you with nice pleasure.”

No person says it that approach, however that’s what must be communicated. And that, pricey associates, is the purpose of giving presents at Christmas. Obtain the presents given to you this season and all year long with a grateful coronary heart—whether or not it’s what you wished or not, or whether or not it’s a cheesy regift. These are alternatives to encourage and specific your love for the giver. Cease giving presents to individuals who don’t know learn how to obtain them and most of all, cease giving the present your self to individuals who solely know learn how to harm you. Defy trauma, and provides presents to individuals who embrace pleasure. 

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